TO Save a Life – Who Saved Yours?

7^th grade, Becky Tirrell. She saved mine, even before I knew I needed the saving. I was a kid struggling to keep my head above the water, not unlike many that age. My parents got their divorce when I was 8. I was angry and miserable and searching for love "in all the wrong places." I had been bombarded in elementary school with my own peer "sex education," and to be honest it intrigued me. Slipping through the cracks, my mom and step-dad pulled me out of public school to home school me. The peer pressure didn't end there. I was still extremely lonely and scared, so insecure that all I could do was hide behind my hair and pray to God that no one would talk to me. I would step out occasionally. I wanted to try to fit in, just like everyone else, even if it meant hanging out with the wrong group of friends. And that's about how Becky found me. I didn't know how much I would need her, but God did. I know that I would not be the person I am today had that "intervention" not happened. Of course I don't think Becky had (or has) any idea what her friendship meant in my life. She was just there, at the right time in the right place, and ready to be used by God.

I'm not reflecting on this treasured, 16 year old memory because I am suddenly overcome with nostalgia, but rather because I went to the movies. I know, life altering, right? Well, actually, yes, it was. I went to see the screening of the film "To Save a Life." Words cannot express to you the thoughts and tears that accompanied me on my drive home from the theater. It was beyond powerful. It has to be the most relevant film I have ever seen. I can only pray that God will use what He has done in my heart tonight to mold me closer to the image of His Son. Lord, change me!

Without giving the story away, a teenager named Jake is faced with the loss of a childhood friend. A friend who he rejected in order to be a part of the "in" crowd in high school, who ends up taking his life because of the loneliness and worthlessness that he feels trapped by. Faced with guilt and remorse, Jake's life begins to crumble. So what is the logical thing that would occur in any "good" Christian movie? That Jack would get saved, right? Wrong. Instead he walks into the church and finds it crawling with hypocrites and "fakers," teenagers too lukewarm to know what it means to be sold out. He walks away. And so would I, except I know that I was once one of them, and still can be. Lord, forgive me!

Jake does return, but only because he is faced with a challenge from a dynamic youth leader to not "just become a Christian." Along the journey Jake learns the hard way what it means to really know Christ and live for Him, despite the imperfections that prevail in his life. The real test of faith is when we are willing to trust Him even when our world continues to crumble and the euphoric "new believer" feelings have left us. And can we trust Him enough with our lives that we are able to stand in the gap for those around us?

Needless to say this movie evoked some very deep and long over do soul searching. I can't say I was pleased with what I found. The epidemic of teenage related issues is huge. But I know that it doesn't end there. College can be just as defining in a person's life direction. And even beyond, our world is filled with hurting people, silently crying out, hiding behind a plastic smile and a "I'm fine." We just have to open our eyes and look. I know the excuses; I use them all the time. "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy," or "Maybe another time, my schedule is packed this week," or better yet "You should talk to the pastor about that," after all he would know what to say better than I would, right? Shame on us, shame on me!

"If we say we know God, but have not love, we are liars." I write these things with my finger pointed straight at my heart. Again, God forgive me and please change me. If we want to know Him, then we have to love. And if we want to love, then we need to make ourselves available to be used by Him. No "if"s, "and"s or "but"s. It may not be how we expect (actually, most likely nothing like how we expect), nor will it always be easy or convenient. In fact, it just might hurt. So what is more important, my time or His glory? I know I am going to have to pray for a daily reminder of this, maybe even hourly. And I am going to need accountability. But is it worth it to save a life? Definitely!

 

The Wanderings of a Heart

Well, I'm back. Not sure if anyone will even realize, but here I am! It's been a strange and unexpected year and a half, but God has taught me a lot and changed my heart in so may ways. I really don't know where this road will lead (but, then again, do we ever?), however I am willing to let go and trust that He knows the plans He has for me and they are good!

My dear sweet sister...

An exerp from an email from my sister:

My dear sweet sister....
I decided to sit here at my computer and compose for you a letter that we will call your return letter. Remember that letter I wrote right before you left? I know that the person who left four months ago is coming home changed. But I also know that my sister whom I love so much is still the same sister who will climb into my bed and try to snuggle when I just want my space. Its the same person who will sit on the porch and drink coffee with me and jump up and down at church for the kids. I have missed you so so much! Now more than ever! I missed you when it snowed and no one wanted to go walk in the snow and here the "Babbling brook!" or hide from cars. I missed you on memorial day when no one wanted to wear matching shirts with me. I missed you at the beach when I took pictures of everyone one but you and I never once went to Java Janes, and no one was there to watch Jag with me. I missed you whenever I cleaned the bathroom....(ok...that one was selfish) Wow! Who would have know that so much would change in just 4 short months. God literally stripped everything away! And I know it hurt and I know that it was painful, but God didn't leave you in the fire longer than necessary. He knew what you needed and He loved you enough to carry you through it. I wish I could have been there to hug you through the hard times, and I wish you could have been here to hug me through my hurts as well.....but that's not what God wanted. His ways are so much better than ours. Ok....now this is evidence of change...I'm sitting here crying!!! I'm crying! Wow....that's a new one. Can you imagine if you hadn't gone to Hungary? What if you had gone to school in TN or Israel? Would you have met the people that you did? Would you have learned what you learned? Would you have been able to minister to those that you ministered to? Praise Him Tricia. Praise Him for what He did and what He will do.

And now its time to come home. Its going to be hard...I know you have been praying about this, and so have I. God is faithful. Just ask for His peace. I love you so so much. People at church are starting to get annoyed at my counting down till you get home. But I am so excited! See you soon!

Sarah I love and miss you and can't wait to give you a huge hug! Bring tissues...we are going to need them :o)

Saying Goodbye

6.13.08

The time has come to say goodbye…I can’t believe my four weeks are already over. It will be harder to say goodbye than I had anticipated. When I arrived here a month ago, it was a difficult time for me…I missed my family, I felt every day of my absence very deeply, and I was ready to head home. But God remains faithful and knew that even that was a part of His teaching me the deeper lessons of what it means to follow Him and to yield to His leading. I have been faced with so many emotions and different situations; I have experienced the frustration of a language barrier, the sorrow of watching the lost die, the joy and ache of playing with those who are without parents and rejected by the world, the excitement of working along side the team as God grows the ministry here, the accomplishment of idea gathering and watching the children of the church grasp onto God’s truths, the successes of functioning in a city where I once felt alone and lost, the need to see and touch my family, the peace in knowing that God has placed a desire in my heart for His purposes, an anticipation of waiting for Him to show me, a sadness in saying goodbye. In all of this I saw Jesus, I felt His tears, I looked in His eyes, I touched His face….He was in the laughter and the giggles of the children, He was in the desperation of the homeless, He was in the room of the dieing….I experienced Jesus during this trip like I have never before! Each moment and memory I want to cling to, each face I want etched into my heart and across my mind…I do not want to forget all that He showed me…I do not want to forget all that He spoke to me….I do not want to forget!

To see more pictures of my trip:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=125195&l=7e84d&id=551790426

The Little Things

6.12.08

Today was an exciting day! After looking up several words in our Russian/English dictionary (and writing them on the back of Crystal’s hand..haha), Crystal (one of the missionary’s sister who is visiting for 2 months) and I headed down to the Renock to fend for ourselves. It was so much fun! There were def some laughable moments…but for the most part we did well…trying different foods we were contemplating buying, asking for the amount we wanted, and finding the best deals. After our first success of communicating what we wanted and how much, we did the very American thing to do by giving each other a high five, beaming with the excitements of accomplishment. When we came back to the apartment, carrying our many treasures (almonds, dried Kiwi, apples, raisins, apricots, and plums) Katie gave us a look and asked if we were hungry. We were happy girls :o) It is the little success here that sometimes mean the most :o) To be a part of the culture, to be caught up in the flow of life here is such a great feeling. And it seems like it is coming just in time for me to come home.

6.13.08

The time has come to say goodbye…I can’t believe my four weeks are already over. It will be harder to say goodbye than I had anticipated. When I arrived here a month ago, it was a difficult time for me…I missed my family, I felt every day of my absence very deeply, and I was ready to head home. But God remains faithful and knew that even that was a part of His teaching me the deeper lessons of what it means to follow Him and to yield to His leading. I have been faced with so many emotions and different situations; I have experienced the frustration of a language barrier, the sorrow of watching the lost die, the joy and ache of playing with those who are without parents and rejected by the world, the excitement of working along side the team as God grows the ministry here, the accomplishment of idea gathering and watching the children of the church grasp onto God’s truths, the successes of functioning in a city where I once felt alone and lost, the need to see and touch my family, the peace in knowing that God has placed a desire in my heart for His purposes, an anticipation of waiting for Him to show me, a sadness in saying goodbye. In all of this I saw Jesus, I felt His tears, I looked in His eyes, I touched His face….He was in the laughter and the giggles of the children, He was in the desperation of the homeless, He was in the room of the dieing….I experienced Jesus during this trip like I have never before! Each moment and memory I want to cling to, each face I want etched into my heart and across my mind…I do not want to forget all that He showed me…I do not want to forget all that He spoke to me….I do not want to forget!


http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=125195&l=7e84d&id=551790426

A part of the team....

6.9.08

Well, another weekend has gone quickly by! The heat has been a killer as we try to function in basic, everyday tasks. Tracy (another missionary staying at Mel and Paul’s house with me) and I often find ourselves needing a nap in the middle of the day because we are so exhausted from the amount and intensity of the sun here and the way the heat drains you. Over the weekend we reached temperatures of 109 degrees!

On Sunday we decided to split the kids into two “classes” to teach and instituted a number system for the nursery kids that would alleviate the parent’s need to constantly check on their children throughout the service and give the nursery workers a more discreet way of letting parents know if they were needed. I was asked to put a skit together of the story of Job to perform during the time of kids worship before we broke the kids up into two different age groups. It was so much fun to dress some of the team up to perform for the kids…they were great sports! It seems to be a time of trying out different strategies and ideas to see what will work best for this fast growing ministry! I feel so blessed to be a part of it at this time. It is always such a blessing to see His little ones learning the truth and getting excited about Him.

After the service a group of us headed over to the hospital. We first went to the dieing ward of the cancer hospital to visit with the patients there. Although we could not find the women we had been speaking to previously, we did have the opportunity to talk to another woman who was so excited to have company because “no one ever comes to visit her.” We were able to share the truth with her. We gave her a Bible and she said she would read it. It is so amazing to me how many things we take for granted in America that are foreign concepts here. Many people have never had a Bible, much less read anything from the Bible. Many have never heard of John 3:16 or know who Jesus is. And when they say they will read something, they mean that they will really read and consider it! This is truly pioneering work..

Sadly, what they do know about Christianity stems from the church of Jesus Christ. Members from this church will go through the hospitals handing out pamphlets of their doctrine and pray in tongues over people. Much of what they preach is the “name it claim it” and wealth and prosperity theology. They believe that men have a right to divorce their wives if they have the “spirit of Jezebel” (if they do not clean or cook enough, among other trivial issues) and do not preach eternal security in salvation. Needless to say there are many broken and hurting people who have come from that church and are seeking healing at Calvary Chapel. Many do not understand grace or true forgiveness and are very confused in their belief about Jesus and what He teaches. In addition to that, we will often talk with people who have been given a misguided representation of Jesus and His heart for people. It has been such a privilege to be a part of His work and showing who He really is and His love for people.

After speaking with that woman for 20 min it was noticeable that she was exhausted from the effort it took to carry on even a short conversation, so we left and went into the children’s building and asked if we could go outside in the yard and play with some of the kids who were sitting out there (and looking very bored). Surprisingly, they said yes and allowed us to go and play with them. We sang songs with several of them, taught them “Head and shoulders knees and toes” to them in English, and they taught it to us in Kyrgyz, and had fun being silly with them. What a beautiful sound to hear them laugh at our silly accents and to see smiles on their faces amidst their suffering and pain.

Their limited resources here never cease to amaze me. Many die unnecessarily because they do not have basic things. If a baby is born prematurely, it is very unlikely they will survive because they do not have incubators or even masks small enough to fit on a preme. The only thing they have are heating pads that they will lay the babies on, and hope they make it. And if grants are given to supply a village with an incubator, many doctors have such limited training that they don’t know what to use it for and end up covering it with a table cloth and placing a vase of flowers on it to use as decoration in their offices. I will forever look at things differently from my experience being here. I pray that God would continue to allow me to be affected by the great need here and the affluence that I take for granted at home.

Life in Kyrgyzstan

6.4.08

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold, my high tower, my savior, the one who saves me….” – 2 Samuel 22:2-3

There is such comfort in these verses. As we went to the hospital yesterday, passed out fruit in the children’s ward and the dieing ward of the hospital, it really put many things into perspective. Without Christ as my hope and salvation, without Him as my rock and strength, I am nothing, I have nothing, and I can do nothing. So much suffering with such little resources, so many empty faces who have no hope….I find myself crying out to God to make some sense of it. The darkness can feel so heavy, the people so hopeless…and many do not want to listen. It breaks my heart….the children especially. And as Katie prayed before we went in, these are the people that Jesus would have spent time ministering to…He came to bring hope to the hopeless, the sick, the dieing: spiritually and physically.

Amidst it all, though, we did meet with a women who is a Believer who Katie had talked to before. She had such a huge smile on her face as she greeted us and held Katie’s hand. She asked that we would come visit her village and preach there once she is better and able to go home. With tears in her eyes and a smile on her face she told us that we are close to her because we are a family in Jesus. What a contrast to those we had met who do not know Jesus and were not very open to listening.

Later that day we met in the park again for English club, although not many people showed up because it had been so hot that day that many were hiding at home. It was a good time of fellowship, though, as we played games and hung out together. I’m coming to relish the times of sweet fellowship with the team and those from the church who are excited about their relationship with the Lord. Lonya, Daniel, and Yadak came, as well as Delya. They are teens in the church who got saved in the past year and a half and are on fire for sharing with others and being a part of God’s work in Kyrgyzstan….they are such a blessing!

Please pray, when I came home last night I crashed with a terrible headache and stomach ache :o( I pray that I am not coming down with something…pray I keep well hydrated in this heat (it is suppose to be 45 C today!) and that God would be my strength and sustain me.

6.5.08

Our God is so good to give us exactly what we need right when we need it! In my devotions this morning my heart was desiring that God would speak to me…I feel like during my time here He has been quiet. I have been watching Him work, seeing Him grow those around me, but I want to hear His voice in the midst of this time. I have also felt at times VERY ineffective due to the language barrier, and that can be so frustrating! I never wanted to be a burden to those serving here full time…I wanted to be able to give something back to the team…to really be a part of the team while I am here.

In His faithfulness, God answered my prayers…
Several from the team, and myself, met at Jed and Renee’s house this morning to talk about children’s ministry and brainstorm ideas for the growth of the ministry and the needs of the kids (language needs, size of the group of kids, etc.). It was such a great time of being able to contribute using past experiences and drawing from how we do things at my church (both recalling the beginning days of one Sunday school class during the one service we had at our church to the present with three services and multiple classes for each age group). So many things we want to do and try out, yet my time here is quickly passing and what is left seems so short!

As I sat there and thought of different games and crafts, verse review strategies and songs, puppet and drama skits, I couldn’t help but think of all the things I would pack in a suitcase to bring back if I could return….and that is when God spoke to me. I’m still seeking Him in regards to the future, and would ask that you would do the same, but I know in my heart that He has brought me here for a purpose and that there is much to be done. Everyday seems to bring a new opportunity to share His word and equip many with the truth. I’m finally feeling like I fit with the team here and seem to have found my niche….but as to how the Lord is leading for the future, well, I am still praying. As I told Yadak today after the Wednesday night service, in response to His question of if I was coming back, “Bog zniet, ya nez zniu” (God knows, I do not know).