5.17.08
Well this is a bittersweet blog to write….
I can remember writing my first blog from this room in the castle, facing the unknown and anticipation of all that was going to happen in the following few months. It was a difficult thing to write, realizing all that I had left behind in the states, everyone I had said goodbye to, and flying halfway around the world to live with 100 other students who desired the things of the Lord more than the things of this world. In reality I had not a clue of all that God was going to do in and through me…I was totally unprepared! And I can honestly say that I would not have survived it had you not been on your knees for me.
As God has done heart surgery on me, dealt with the sin and weights that had so easily ensnared me, spoken words of comfort to me, used me in His ministry here in Europe and given me clear direction for the call He has placed on my life for the future, you have been faithfully standing by me, lifting me to His throne and walking this road with me…and for that I am truly thankful. You have blessed my heart by helping to lift my hands in the midst of the battle and encouraging me to press on toward the goal for the high calling of Jesus Christ!
And while I have been here, God has so lovingly given me a family that has grown very close to my heart….brothers and sisters who have been knit into the tapestry of my life and will be very hard to leave behind…yes, the hardest part of all of this is saying goodbye!
It has been an exhausting week of packing up and moving on…so many tears shed, goodbyes said and a heart that is been close to breaking many times! We have adopted the “see you later” stance, but in reality we know that for many of us, this is the last time we will see each other this side of eternity as we move home and into the fields of foreign countries.
In the midst of this all, though, I would be neglectful to not allow my heart to stir within me for the anticipation of the next step – my 30 day outreach to Kyrgyzstan! God is so faithful and the path has been paved for me to walk on….
As of a week ago I had no support for this outreach and had begun to settle in my heart the seeming reality that I was going to have to look at options of where to go before I was able to use my ticket for my flight home on June 16th (I didn’t even have enough in the bank to pay for my ticket to be changed to an earlier flight). I had been walking through the last two weeks waiting for the Lord to move, glancing occasionally at my bank account, but really trusting that the Lord would bring the money that was needed, for it was very obvious that He had set this outreach in motion. I really hadn’t stressed too much, but was quick to remind God that He was going to have to do it, because in my own striving I had nothing! It was Him or nothing!
On Friday, I had had a frustrating day of having more issues with my bank and my ATM card and had found out that there wasn’t really anything for me to do for the four weeks here at the castle before my flight home. The doubt hit me like a tidal wave! I went outside and wept tears of frustration and confusion. I began doubting everything I thought He has spoken to my heart about, every confirmation I thought I had received from Him. My prayer was that of a child grabbing her daddy’s leg and sobbing into it because she felt lost and confused. Where was He and why wasn’t He paying attention to what was going on?
Of course it is often when we come to the end of ourselves that we get out of the way and give God the room to actually work in the midst of the circumstances and blow us away with His provision. That evening, 15 min before curfew, I received an email from my sister telling me that the entire trip was covered! I went from nothing to everything, all within 5 hours! With the joy came shame, shame at my continual doubting heart and lack of trusting ALL that He had so clearly told me. “Lord, I believe, but please help my unbelief…”
And so the details have been worked out, the plane ticket bought, and my bags packed! I am ready (or think I am) for all that He has in store for these next four weeks! I cannot wait to see what He teaches me and how He uses the meager loaves and fishes that I bring to Him. I am His and only want to be used for His glory! I have been bought and am no longer my own!
My flight is on Monday at 10 am. We have a connection in Turkey and then will be heading directly into Kyrgyzstan! Please pray for safety as we travel, no issues entering or leaving the country, that I would have an open and flexible attitude, for the missionaries I will be working alongside and their families, and that God would use this time to reach hearts for Him. I will do my best to keep everyone updated with prayer requests and would covet your prayers for this outreach.
You are in my heart and prayers! I love you all!
In His grace ><>
Patricia
“Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him..” Psalm 37:3-7
Well this is a bittersweet blog to write….
I can remember writing my first blog from this room in the castle, facing the unknown and anticipation of all that was going to happen in the following few months. It was a difficult thing to write, realizing all that I had left behind in the states, everyone I had said goodbye to, and flying halfway around the world to live with 100 other students who desired the things of the Lord more than the things of this world. In reality I had not a clue of all that God was going to do in and through me…I was totally unprepared! And I can honestly say that I would not have survived it had you not been on your knees for me.
As God has done heart surgery on me, dealt with the sin and weights that had so easily ensnared me, spoken words of comfort to me, used me in His ministry here in Europe and given me clear direction for the call He has placed on my life for the future, you have been faithfully standing by me, lifting me to His throne and walking this road with me…and for that I am truly thankful. You have blessed my heart by helping to lift my hands in the midst of the battle and encouraging me to press on toward the goal for the high calling of Jesus Christ!
And while I have been here, God has so lovingly given me a family that has grown very close to my heart….brothers and sisters who have been knit into the tapestry of my life and will be very hard to leave behind…yes, the hardest part of all of this is saying goodbye!
It has been an exhausting week of packing up and moving on…so many tears shed, goodbyes said and a heart that is been close to breaking many times! We have adopted the “see you later” stance, but in reality we know that for many of us, this is the last time we will see each other this side of eternity as we move home and into the fields of foreign countries.
In the midst of this all, though, I would be neglectful to not allow my heart to stir within me for the anticipation of the next step – my 30 day outreach to Kyrgyzstan! God is so faithful and the path has been paved for me to walk on….
As of a week ago I had no support for this outreach and had begun to settle in my heart the seeming reality that I was going to have to look at options of where to go before I was able to use my ticket for my flight home on June 16th (I didn’t even have enough in the bank to pay for my ticket to be changed to an earlier flight). I had been walking through the last two weeks waiting for the Lord to move, glancing occasionally at my bank account, but really trusting that the Lord would bring the money that was needed, for it was very obvious that He had set this outreach in motion. I really hadn’t stressed too much, but was quick to remind God that He was going to have to do it, because in my own striving I had nothing! It was Him or nothing!
On Friday, I had had a frustrating day of having more issues with my bank and my ATM card and had found out that there wasn’t really anything for me to do for the four weeks here at the castle before my flight home. The doubt hit me like a tidal wave! I went outside and wept tears of frustration and confusion. I began doubting everything I thought He has spoken to my heart about, every confirmation I thought I had received from Him. My prayer was that of a child grabbing her daddy’s leg and sobbing into it because she felt lost and confused. Where was He and why wasn’t He paying attention to what was going on?
Of course it is often when we come to the end of ourselves that we get out of the way and give God the room to actually work in the midst of the circumstances and blow us away with His provision. That evening, 15 min before curfew, I received an email from my sister telling me that the entire trip was covered! I went from nothing to everything, all within 5 hours! With the joy came shame, shame at my continual doubting heart and lack of trusting ALL that He had so clearly told me. “Lord, I believe, but please help my unbelief…”
And so the details have been worked out, the plane ticket bought, and my bags packed! I am ready (or think I am) for all that He has in store for these next four weeks! I cannot wait to see what He teaches me and how He uses the meager loaves and fishes that I bring to Him. I am His and only want to be used for His glory! I have been bought and am no longer my own!
My flight is on Monday at 10 am. We have a connection in Turkey and then will be heading directly into Kyrgyzstan! Please pray for safety as we travel, no issues entering or leaving the country, that I would have an open and flexible attitude, for the missionaries I will be working alongside and their families, and that God would use this time to reach hearts for Him. I will do my best to keep everyone updated with prayer requests and would covet your prayers for this outreach.
You are in my heart and prayers! I love you all!
In His grace ><>
Patricia
“Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him..” Psalm 37:3-7
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