7th grade, Becky Tirrell. She saved mine, even before I knew I needed the saving. I was a kid struggling to keep my head above the water, not unlike many that age. My parents got their divorce when I was 8. I was angry and miserable and searching for love "in all the wrong places." I had been bombarded in elementary school with my own peer "sex education," and to be honest it intrigued me. Slipping through the cracks, my mom and step-dad pulled me out of public school to home school me. The peer pressure didn't end there. I was still extremely lonely and scared, so insecure that all I could do was hide behind my hair and pray to God that no one would talk to me. I would step out occasionally. I wanted to try to fit in, just like everyone else, even if it meant hanging out with the wrong group of friends. And that's about how Becky found me. I didn't know how much I would need her, but God did. I know that I would not be the person I am today had that "intervention" not happened. Of course I don't think Becky had (or has) any idea what her friendship meant in my life. She was just there, at the right time in the right place, and ready to be used by God.
I'm not reflecting on this treasured, 16 year old memory because I am suddenly overcome with nostalgia, but rather because I went to the movies. I know, life altering, right? Well, actually, yes, it was. I went to see the screening of the film "To Save a Life." Words cannot express to you the thoughts and tears that accompanied me on my drive home from the theater. It was beyond powerful. It has to be the most relevant film I have ever seen. I can only pray that God will use what He has done in my heart tonight to mold me closer to the image of His Son. Lord, change me!
Without giving the story away, a teenager named Jake is faced with the loss of a childhood friend. A friend who he rejected in order to be a part of the "in" crowd in high school, who ends up taking his life because of the loneliness and worthlessness that he feels trapped by. Faced with guilt and remorse, Jake's life begins to crumble. So what is the logical thing that would occur in any "good" Christian movie? That Jack would get saved, right? Wrong. Instead he walks into the church and finds it crawling with hypocrites and "fakers," teenagers too lukewarm to know what it means to be sold out. He walks away. And so would I, except I know that I was once one of them, and still can be. Lord, forgive me!
Jake does return, but only because he is faced with a challenge from a dynamic youth leader to not "just become a Christian." Along the journey Jake learns the hard way what it means to really know Christ and live for Him, despite the imperfections that prevail in his life. The real test of faith is when we are willing to trust Him even when our world continues to crumble and the euphoric "new believer" feelings have left us. And can we trust Him enough with our lives that we are able to stand in the gap for those around us?
Needless to say this movie evoked some very deep and long over do soul searching. I can't say I was pleased with what I found. The epidemic of teenage related issues is huge. But I know that it doesn't end there. College can be just as defining in a person's life direction. And even beyond, our world is filled with hurting people, silently crying out, hiding behind a plastic smile and a "I'm fine." We just have to open our eyes and look. I know the excuses; I use them all the time. "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy," or "Maybe another time, my schedule is packed this week," or better yet "You should talk to the pastor about that," after all he would know what to say better than I would, right? Shame on us, shame on me!
"If we say we know God, but have not love, we are liars." I write these things with my finger pointed straight at my heart. Again, God forgive me and please change me. If we want to know Him, then we have to love. And if we want to love, then we need to make ourselves available to be used by Him. No "if"s, "and"s or "but"s. It may not be how we expect (actually, most likely nothing like how we expect), nor will it always be easy or convenient. In fact, it just might hurt. So what is more important, my time or His glory? I know I am going to have to pray for a daily reminder of this, maybe even hourly. And I am going to need accountability. But is it worth it to save a life? Definitely!
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